Bunny Diary

Welcome to my diary! I post my thoughts, day to day happenings, and other things here! As it grows, I'll probably have a collection of sketches I do, when I do them... thank you for visiting!

Monday, January 6, 2025

I'm grateful. I'm really grateful for what I have with Akihiko. December was an extremely busy month for the both of us... I learned a lot about myself, about who I wanted to be, and my emotions! We got into flipphones, further into website design, and into books like the Anxious Generation. I learned to center myself in that cabin in Stillwater with him whenever I'm uncertain or unsure... I love that man so much. So, so much. He's everything to me. Everything!

...Still, I can't help but feel as if we've failed the next generation. I'm grateful that my fiancé and I lead low-tech, somewhat disconnected lives, instead of constantly arguing on Twitter or mindlessly consuming endless 30-second TikToks. My generation, and the next generation, never really grew up like that. Instead we had smartphones and Instagram shoved into our hands (and later TikTok) before we could even form a coherent identity, much less the ability to understand what this little black rectangle was showing us. I know I'm not part of the generation of parents who raised us, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty... I want what I have, for other people. I want my peers to know the magic of Stillwater without a phone in their hands... just sitting on the bench at the Old Warden's house, watching the leaves fall. I want my kids to know the joy of their very first digital camera, totally disconnected from an internet of millions of people who might judge what they photograph. I wish everyone knew how nice it was to have an in-person social network, where your most recent conversation with a friend was at a DJ bike rave, or eating chop salad on the pool deck.

I don't think smartphones are inherently bad, but they offer far too much in the way of connection. Instead of keeping up with your friends with short texts and phone calls, you stalk their Twitters, you try to keep as active on Instagram so people know you're actually alive. You have to constantly react and consume, instead of reading a nice book. It's horrific... and yet, many people are relying on the government to ban social media for them, rather than mustering the strength to wrest it from their lives and cast it out. I hate that people have become reactive, rather than proactive... G-d. I hate it, I feel guilty, and I feel pity for those people. It just makes me all the more grateful for Akihiko.

Wednesday, December 11, 2024

A lot has happened, a lot has changed for the better! I'm excited for my future, it feels like I 'll really make it in life, you know?

I've picked up a few new games, and most importantly Starsector. It's a really fun Starflight-style game, except you can manage your own colonies and it's fleet command, instead of a single starship. I love it! I've probably sunk 30+ hours in the past week just building up my fleet, learning the combat, and exploring the story... I really love open-ended games that still have a narrative! And talking to my fiancé about it all has brought me so much joy. Akihiko seems like he's having so much fun, too, now...

A rough date for my voice surgery was announced, too! It'll be April-May! I'm so excited...! I'll finally be able to speak without constantly straining my vocal chords. Again, a shoutout to Akihiko. He's been so supportive of my journey of self-improvement, to the point of actually helping me practice speaking in preparation. I love that man so much.

Tuesday, November 26, 2024

11 am

It's been a while since entries, huh? Well, a lot has happened... I got a new game, Helldivers 2. I spent a lot of time with my fiancé with this weekend. We had a really good time! I guess I've just been spending my time decompressing now that my part of the VISA is over... my fiancé said we'd get to watch Spongebob today, so I'm excited for that, too!

You know, I'm so grateful for a man like him in my life. He's so special to me, with the way he treats me like I'm the most wonderful woman in the world. He's always excited to listen to what I have to say, or feel, and... and honestly it's really nice hearing his thoughts and feelings, too. I'm usually not a very happy person, but he's the brightest thing in my life. I recently bought him a nice premade meal brand, and he's been loving it... I even woke up to a nice email from him about it. I'm really happy to hear that I can have a positive impact for someone who's so special to me. I guess it makes me feel like I am valued after all... that even as rejected as I was, there's one man who loves and appreciates me.

Akihiko, if you're reading this, I want you to know that I'm trying my hardest, and that I will always love you. You're the most special man in the world.

It's you.
Despite everything, it's still you.

2:47 pm

I'm listening to old video game music with Akihiko, after a short nap following a lengthy video call... I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much. Hell, I didn't know I could even be happy like this... even as sad as I am. He's always just there to give me a hug and a kiss when I say, "I'm lonely, can you hug me, please...?"

I'm sad about the degradation in the quality of music of games that come out these days, and that I had to grow up with such poor games instead of the games my fiancé grew up with... I guess that's difference a few years of smartphone and Twitter use does to the general population.

I worry for the next generation of kids...

Thursday, November 21, 2024

It was a really short day today. I'm not sure why! It just seemed to go super fast... I had work in the morning, I talked to my fiancé about website design, music, and childhood development, then I listened to more music from Another Crab's Treasure while I was figuring out what I wanted to play on the secret page. I think I had a good day!

Wednesday, November 20, 2024

Wow, I missed a whole day there? Whoops! I didn't even realise until I opened up this page to write a new entry! Well, let's see... yesterday, I submitted the VISA application, and as soon as he receives it, he'll sign it and mail it off to USCIS! I also worked more on the website's back end, and spent some time with my fiancé.

Today, I went to work (ehhh, it was OK), and I added more things to the secret page on this site! I also listened to tons of jazz music with my fiancé, and we talked about American cultural development. I think I had a good day today!

Sleepy bun...

Monday, November 18, 2024

Work continues on the VISA application to marry my fiancé, and now all I have to do is collate the pages and mail it! I also watched All Dogs Go To Heaven with my sister... it's a thoughtful movie about the meaning you place on your life, and what you choose to do when you get a second chance. I really hope she enjoyed it!

Oh, and I managed to sell my old PC tower today. I hope the girl who bought it has a good time...! I'm mailing it today!

Pancake rabbit...!